When we say goodbye

How do you say goodbye?

If you had 24 hours left to live, who would you want to visit and what would you want to say?

This event just happened.

I was honoured to be allowed to say goodbye to a dear person in my life recently.

After suffering from Parkinson’s for 20 years, the pain is no longer tolerable.

We went to say our goodbyes.

What do you say to someone you shared life’s biggest moments with?

Pat was there for me when both my parents passed and I was there when she lost her sister and her both parents.

A common thread in our relationship was dealing with loss and finding the silver lining.

Until it was now her time.

What do I say?

I say the same things I would want her to say to me if it was my turn.

What she meant to me, what she added to my life and how much I was a better person for knowing her.

Pat did share that it meant everything to her to hear from the others in her life that she meant something and to hear it while she was alive.

The expression “don’t wait to tell someone you love them” was never so obvious.

The focus of her stare was intense and time was so precious.

Say what we must and then touch.

I rubbed her hand.

I held her hand.

I assured her she mattered to me and would not be forgotten.

When you don’t learn a lesson there is a fable that says; a little pebble is thrown, if you don’t pay attention the same lesson is told but a rock is thrown. If you’re still not listening, the rock will be a big old boulder. Until you learn the lesson it just keeps getting in your way.

My lesson, tell the ones you love, “I love you.”

You never ever know what the next 24 hours brings and nothing, nothing else matters but love.

To share it.

To give it.

To receive it.

When we started our cosmetic company 30 years ago it was with four people.

We all felt like family. Pat was one of the four. She was family.

Our first Christmas party was just us, but to get dinner reservations we needed six people to reserve a table. We invited my parents to make six of us.

They were simple times. And with reflection, probably the very best times.

When I had my last conversation with Pat and we recalled our fond memories that Christmas dinner was top on the list.

It’s not what we buy or get for each other, it’s the time we share with each other. Thank you Pat for reminding me.

Goodbye Pat, I will see you on the other side.

We are all human after all

We are all human.

What that means to me is it doesn’t matter who you are, we are all fair game to have the good, the bad and the ugly happen to us.

Where am I going with this?

I just had lunch with a dear friend. One thing led to another and it was shared that her son had some addiction issues. It was then that I felt very comfortable to share my story with addiction issues in my family.

As simple as that. We had a bond.

It took us to a new level in our friendship and a deeper connection.

I like to say, pulling back the curtain, showing our true self.

I was reflecting on a recent post I saw of Christina Applegate. She was sharing her recent diagnosis of MS. My heart sank and I needed to find out more of her struggle.

Why did I feel the need?

I feel that we connect with others when we see ourselves in them.

I have adored her as an actress and gained incredible respect and admiration after hearing her story battling breast cancer, years ago. We all know someone in our life who has had cancer and she did it publicly and showed the human spirit sharing her story.

The good, the bad, the ugly.

So again, it was through her sharing her recent diagnoses that she is connecting and helping us all:

Be brave

Be vulnerable

Be honest

When life gives you lemons…sometimes it’s really hard to make lemonade, or want to drink it.

The power, wisdom and strength comes from watching others and seeing it can be done.

We all love a good underdog story.

Oprah: grew up poor, Black, female, in Mississippi. She just knew she wanted to teach…and does she ever have an audience.

Kobe Brant: “Hard work and dedication will get you there.” Practiced everyday at 4 a.m. before anyone else was in the gym.

Steve Harvey: “Never give up on your dream.” Slept in his car for years, homeless, and got a break at the Apollo Theatre. And is a highly successful comedian and entrepreneur who stayed the course and is doing what he dreamed of.

I could name 100 people that have overcome to “make it”.

“Making it” means different things to everyone. For me, it’s about overcoming obstacles.

Christina Applegate

Michael J. Fox

Selma Blair

All dealing with health issues that give me pause.

It brings to light that we are all here.

Human beings having a spiritual experience or spiritual beings having a human experience.

Is it by chance or fate or luck or lack of?

I believe we are all here to learn a lesson or if we are truly blessed to learn many lessons, and with that gift, to share with others along the way.

There is a reason to pass it on, to pay it forward. How brave to be honest and share the wins and yes, the losses.

This is what builds intimacy with each other.

I have also learned something just as important, that just because one chooses not to share their experience outloud, it does not mean they don’t feel the pain of their experience.

A quiet person feels just as much as one who shouts.

So we honour both and just understand that this is one journey we are all on together and for that reason, we know we are never ever alone.

Xo