Self Love

I was listening to a podcast with Glennon Doyle and something she said clicked with me.

How we often feel guilt in pursuing joy. We feel the only way to learn is from pain, but and it’s a BIG BUT - what if we allow ourselves to learn from joy? Why do we celebrate suffering…and keep picking to suffer, instead of choosing joy?

Is this not a fascinating concept?

Guilt-free joy!

What if we give ourselves permission to do what brings us joy? And let go of the people and things that don’t.

What a concept.

Is that too simple?

I understand we all have to work and do our things…but if we focused on guilt-free joy and self care, what would that look like?

I wake up extra early to have my coffee and linger in the morning. That brings me joy.

If you love to walk or swim or ride a bike…do that more.

Do more of what you love and less of what you don’t.

You will be happier and when you are happier you will show others how to live in joy.

But here is the kicker, do it guilt free.

Do it because you and I are on this earth to live in joy.

I started this journey to address ageism, but as I dug deeper it became more obvious to me it's just a limb on a very big tree.

If we loved ourselves completely, the negativity and insecurities we all have would repel off of us.

Like a shield, they would not be able to seep into our souls and create havoc.

We feel our pain and have no idea what to do with it. We try to numb it one way or another or perhaps lash out at others or just walk around wounded and hurt. I like to think there is something we can do…and I believe it starts with ‘self love’.

Why do we feel uncomfortable with the thought of loving ourselves and taking care of ourselves?

Why is it we have been taught that others come first and we put ourselves at the bottom of the list?

We learn in kindergarten to:

• unselfishly take a nap when we need a rest

• have a snack to treat and nourish ourselves

• stay home when we are sick because we need to be well

• take a time out when we need a break and moment to calm down

• have shorter days so we can have time in our lives for family and rest

When we grow up all of these important virtues of self love and self care get diminished and we learn to replace these core beliefs with:

• skipping meals because meetings and other things become more important

• being on call and on demand for others 24/7

• never turning off our phones, even on holidays

• depriving ourselves of rest and praising those who only get 5 hours of sleep

• treating overworking and ‘doing it all’ as a badge of honour

How did we learn to give up so much of ourselves?

Self love and self care are the only way to make us whole. When you fill the hole, you are no longer coming from a place of lack.

I wish they would have classes in school on self love. Daily practices so it would be a part of your daily routine, like brushing your teeth.

What I love is that we are starting to talk about self love and loving ourselves for who we are.

"Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.” - Ellen DeGeneres

I was driving to a store recently and saw a sign that was spray painted on someone's garage door,

"BE THE CHANGE”

I don’t know why, but it’s like fresh new wallpaper in my headspace. I think we all can "be the change.”

We can change anything we desire and my desire is encourage myself and others to practice self love and self care.

If that sounds self serving, it is…and that’s exactly the point.

More Than A Number

Did you know that actresses on the ‘Golden Girls’ were younger in age than the women in the ‘Sex and The City’ reboot, ‘And Just Like That’?

The progress is all in perception, how we see things. Sophia played a 90 year old and was actually 56. Carrie Bradshaw is 56.

We have come so far in what we consider an “older woman” - but let’s not stop there and let’s not get caught up in the numbers.

You never know where your next inspiration is going to come from. I try to keep my eyes open. What you're looking for, is looking for you.

In response to one of my posts, I had a reply from Carol who is 81, “just arrived in a new town, starting a new business, just getting started.”

I’m sorry, but if that’s not inspiring, what is!?

Starting a new business at 81 is AMAZINGLY inspiring! I have never met Carol but in a few words she has confirmed that if we put our minds together, share our thoughts, anything is possible. 81 and starting a new adventure!

Thank you Carol - your post is now on my vision board.

Let go of the numbers.

When I met my husband Rick I was aware of the 12 years difference in age.

I was 24 and Rick 36. I had people comment how it would be a problem later in life.

When you are young, you do not consider that you’re ever going to get to that point, so I never worried.

I will tell you why. I had a friend say to me, “it’s better to have quality than quantity.”

I understood that immediately. I would rather have a beautiful short love story than a medium tepid long term relationship.

That was the mindset going in...I never thought I would be 60. I never thought Rick would be 72. And I honestly feel more in love and more connected than when we met.

I am so grateful I did not get caught up in the numbers.

Life is not a numbers game.

Don't count your steps every day - just walk and feel the air.

You will get to 10,000 without counting.

You are not valued by how many followers you have on Facebook or Instagram.

You are not valued by the number on the scale or how many calories you eat.

Your value in life is not determined by the amount of money in your bank account or what you think you own.

Most importantly it’s not about the number of years you have lived or have left.

It’s what we do that matters and we start by letting go of the numbers in our head and show each other how to live our best life.

“Perhaps we should love ourselves so fiercely, that when others see us they know exactly how it should be done.” - Rudy Francisco

The universe is continually sending messages. Last night, I watching David Letterman’s ‘My Next Guest’ on Netflix and was riveted by his guest Howard Stern. My fascination with this hour-long talk show is just confirming what I already know, we really are all the same.

We have a different outer shell perhaps, but the inside is all the same.

We want love, validation and to be accepted.

Howard was reflecting on his journey and career. The fascination for me was exactly what I am talking about in this blog. Howard lost much of himself and the things so close and dear to him because he became obsessed with the numbers. He had to stay on top of his game with his listeners. The number of listeners was his value and at any cost, he had to keep the numbers and ratings up.

He soon became number one. But it didn’t stop there…he had to maintain it weekly again and again.

His only focus was to stay at number one. Everything comes at a cost. And it cost him. His marriage, his relationships with his children. And soon, he found no joy in what he was so focused on, his radio show.

He lost his way. Life’s lessons, that he now proudly says, he has nothing to prove but lives without feeling trapped by proving himself.

Life’s lessons. They can come early or late in life. I think the key to all of this is for us to share these valuable lessons with each other. In doing so, we can pull the curtain back for the ones next in line and provide acceptance, forgiveness and a better understanding that we just need to show up, with nothing to prove, but a heart wide open.

Numbers are not a value, or report card. They are nothing we should gauge ourselves on.