Be seen and heard

Do you hear me?

Do you see me?

Does what I say matter?

Oprah once said, that in all her interviews the common thread was that all each of us really want and need is to be heard, seen and validated.

When I started writing these blogs, my desire was to have a conversation with you. I wanted to share some honest storytelling and possibly undo a lifetime of conditioning so entrenched in our core that it no longer makes sense.

Let’s get the conversation started so we can all be seen and heard. More to come about this at the end of the post.

I once thought that when I retired, I could do the things I really wanted to do. That thought came from a lifetime of hearing exactly that. The false promise of ‘Freedom 55’ was spoken everywhere.

How crazy a thought.

I now know that you should always do the things you want to do when you want to do them. There is no waiting until anything and the best news is the passion does not stop as we get older. It should be ramping up.

Five years ago, I heard this unsettling noise in my soul. I was looking for role models to kickstart the movement of embracing life at any stage. Something to help encourage me to live big dreams fearlessly. Like minds, to embrace our differences, and rally together to celebrate our age, our wisdom, our positive thoughts and explore what is ahead without fear.

I could find a few strong women – Oprah, Marianne Williamson and Ariana Huffington. They were far and few.

Now, today, we are no longer in hiding. Social media is flooded with powerful strong minds encouraging us to look forward.

It’s not the hundreds of posts encouraging you to stop colouring your hair or to embrace fine lines or the five makeup tips for mature women. We are more than that. So much more.

One of the silver linings of the pandemic is we all have had some time to be still and do some soul searching. It’s like a vibration on a musical instrument that you can hear and feel.

It’s the movement I feel in my core and I speak about – to show by example that collectively we can help each other be seen and be heard.

So how do we do this?

You don’t fade away, you show up.

You do what is right for you, rather than conforming.

Know you will be loved without judgement.

It is about self love.

It is about self care.

It is about getting to know yourself.

It is about knowing your value. It is about all the things that matter, while letting go of what doesn’t and the wisdom to know the difference.

And, celebrate what you do for you.

I’ve been so moved and honoured by the many hundreds of comments you have shared with me about aging gracefully, not quietly.

Stories about what inner beauty means to you, how to thrive no matter what age and how to create a powerful attitude as you move forward. Your comments have not only inspired me but each of us to live life fully each day and not have our lives dictated by a timeline or a ticking clock.

Speaking of sharing, here’s some exciting news. We are planning a community forum on my site and when the time comes, you will receive a special invitation to join and share your stories and experiences.

Until then keep showing up, being seen and keep creating a space for others to share.

We all need kindness now more than ever.

Love and gratitude

Xo

Vita

Motherhood: taking a different path

Why motherhood is an attitude not a biological necessity.

Anyone who is close to me knows this - I trust in life’s plan.

Some say the universe, some say God. Whatever you call it I believe that your story has reason and purpose and where we are in this moment is part of a bigger plan.

And that there are no mistakes.

I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

I choose to believe this for many reasons. Mostly it allows me to not second guess every action or thought.

I try hard to listen to my intuition, gut feeling and inner voice. My voice never lets me down when helping me choose right from wrong and keeping me on my true path.

Having said all of this, I am at peace with my choice not to have children.

It is actually a decision that evolved over time and when push came to shove, the decision was made for me.

Every girl and woman grows up thinking or wondering about being a mom. When will I or should I have children? No escaping the question. You either ask yourself or others certainly will.

I grew up thinking that when you find the right person, you will eventually have children.

I remember friends getting married. Most started having children right away. I was a few years younger than my friends so I didn’t feel like I really had to address the question.

“Oh, don’t worry. You will know when you’re ready.”

I waited and waited. I found the right person at the age of 27-years but thought, ok, maybe I am a late bloomer. When does the desire to have children arrive? Because I am not feeling it.

What I was feeling was a stronger pull to have something of my own in life that I could create and love and take care of. It turned out it would be a business career. A cosmetics business. I always loved makeup and my path led me to a different type of motherhood.

I also gave myself the out that once the business was up and running, perhaps I could do both. But as the business took over my every moment, years passed and it became obvious I could not nor would not be able to be good at both.

I am in complete awe of the women who succeed in both. Career and motherhood are BIG.

Only you know what you can handle and take on. I knew it was one or the other.

The choice was easy for me, because that “feeling” never came until I was 40. I was lifting my head out of the clouds long enough to deal with the big question every woman needs to finalize.

Am I going to have children?

More important, I had to ask myself - am I going to be a mother?

And as it turned out life had taken me to the place I needed to be.

I was already a mother.

I have 2 beautiful children from my husband’s first marriage. I have nieces and nephews whom I love to my core. I realize it’s not the same as going into labour myself however, being a mother and having children are two different things.

I feel more love to my cat Sam than I could ever describe. He was and is my baby.

Interestingly, when I was 41, I found out that I was not going to be able to have children, but I had made the decision myself, before I found out.

I thought what a blessing for me to have come to my own conclusion, instead of finding out that I couldn’t and pine for it.

I say all this, because it is such an incredible honour and gift to give birth and be a mom.

I do not know this physically but I do know that there is no other love, like a mother’s love.

We collectively have this one fact in common - to get into this world we had to have a mother. No other way.

There is no higher honour.

But (there is always a but), you don’t have to give birth to be a mother. I am a mother to many and this fills my heart.

We are all different. That’s what’s beautiful. There is no right or wrong. It just is.

Love and gratitude

Xo

Vita